Someone More Gazelle-like Who Understands the Fibonacci Sequence
a review of What If This Were Enough? by Heather Havrilesky
Luckily for whichever hapless biographer will write my life story, the Amy B archives are in pristine condition. Shoutout to my parents for keeping the annals comprehensive. Shoutout to the word “annals.” The nine years of quarterly report cards emerge as key primary source to understanding my character’s worldview and establishing an absolutely bussin narrative arc. There is humor; a B/C in fitness because I “took the easy option and this was highly disappointing” which seems highly subjective but go off. There is intrigue; one year my form tutor described me as “interesting and unusual”…o…k. But mostly, there is the same hollow refrain I repeated each year when asked for comment; “I’m happy with my report however I do not think I’ve reached my full potential.”
In retrospect, I am grateful that I did not reach my full potential in 3rd grade. The thing about both reaching your full potential and running 400 km hurdles in gym class is that you literally can’t. There will always be another literal, metaphorical hurdle, or more km, or someone more gazelle-like with a better personality who understands the Fibonacci sequence. That was something that my shortcut-seeking, unusual 8-year-old self grasped early. Like Anthea’s dad said one time driving past the Design Within Reach store: “The design is within reach… and yet…I’m grasping.” The design = reaching full potential.
What If This Were Enough is a book about that grasping, kind of. The essays are pump fakes around the issue. What is the issue? Unclear. There are some essays I file under “Boy Who Screamed Capitalism” where Havrilesky blames capitalism for this rotting world in a way my mom would push back on. Some read like a well-written but unedited page of Havrilesky’s moleskine (composition? Legal pad? Back of CVS receipt?). Like the 2009 assembly on the Fibonacci sequence that is apparently living rent-free in my head, it is sometimes hard to understand what’s being said. I enjoy Havrilesky’s writing regardless. It’s like not knowing the destination of the uber but the uber driver is your most trustworthy friend so it’s not stressful.
“What if this were enough?” is also what I asked myself after eating a pint of haagen dazs cookies and cream and deciding to have a second dessert to, like, cleanse the palette. Fin.